I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
