also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
