just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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