i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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