how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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