..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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