It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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