Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
