My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
