New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize