there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There r osticjed everywhere
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
