Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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