You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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