How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
