my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
