Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
