I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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