Just cropdusted the office
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
