Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
