she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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