I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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