you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
