I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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