So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
