I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
