This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
