i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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