i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
