Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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