Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
