Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
