She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
