i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
