i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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