you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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