I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
