Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
