She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my liver is dry heaving
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
