her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
