I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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