ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
