He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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