Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
