Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
