it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
