I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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