id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
