I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
