; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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