Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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