I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
