I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
