woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
